A Real American "Horror" Short Story – Meet Mr. United States

Meet Mr. United States, he is a big wig in his neighborhood of Earthly Delights. He is President of the the neighborhood HOA, called the EDUN. Many other homeowners respect Mr. States because he seems to be honest and hardworking. Unfortunately, his confident demeanor hides someone who has secrets.

His secret is that he is in debt, and that debt keeps getting worse. He owes many people on his block, mainly his neighbor on another street, Mr. People's Republic-of-China also know as 先生 China. 先生 China seems pretty cool about the loan, but United has to keep asking for more money. And sure, the loans are at a fairly low interest rate, but they keep stacking up!

Mr. United States works for millions of people, and his bosses ride him hard. They are a confused, constantly infighting boss who can't keep their story straight and always want more for them. He keeps asking for loans for a multitude of things his bosses want, but they don't want to pay for it. He keeps asking for a pay raise so he can pay these loans, but the bosses don't want it coming out of their pockets. But there is something else about his bosses...

He has some pretty nice neighbors on Americana Street. Monsieur Canada is an outdoorsman and hippy type and his half-brother. Señor Mexico has lots of kids and is always having fun fiestas with fantastic food. It is sad that Señor Mexico's son, seems to be growing and selling drugs, United is worried that his son will buy the drugs. He tells his kids “Just Say No” but that does not mean they listen.

Mr. States' Dad is Sir United Kingdom. He is a bit stuffy and lives on another block called Europa Lane. There was some trouble earlier in their relationship. Dad wanted United to live with him and to be called Colony. United HATED that name and rebelled as many young do. They now have a rather cordial relationship, but it can be tense at times despite their common language.

Europa lane is a bit of the nicer street in the neighborhood. But lately old Kiros Greece has had the same type of debt problems and has not been keeping up appearances and Herr Germany has said he would help him keep up his yard. Crotchety old Kiros Greece does not like the changes mainly because it might mean he would have to move to the nursing home, called Mount Olympus. Signore Italy, Señor Spain and a few others in the neighborhood have also been not keeping up appearances on Europa Lane, it is expensive!

Oriental Road has 先生 China as well as gọi bằng ông Viet Nam. Whom Mr. States had a rather nasty car crash with a while ago. It did not go well for either parties. Mr. Australia owns a large McMansion on the end of the road, after he was kicked out of Europa lane, it was a terrible scandal!

So Mr. States has to make a decision. His bosses demand he keep up appearances, but he has to cut back, but on what? Some want a wall around the house, especially on the side with Señor Mexico, but that does not seem very neighborly.

The scariest thing about Mr. States life are his bosses. Because they are also his children. How can you say no to children, especially when they act like children?

But pretty soon he will have to tell them no to the BMW and no, we cannot get the iPad mini. They may have to look at universities more within their budget, yes it would be great to go to university on Europa Lane but we are not made of money. Especially because it is your money that runs this house!

There was a scare when many of his children had to stay home from school, it reminded him of the major illness his kids had called the great infection. It was terrible. Lately, his kids have been quite sick but it was not an infection, just a sniffle. Every time this happens things financially get worse and therefore United needs to use his loan money even more. Medicine is expensive for his family, many in his neighborhood don't have to pay as much cause they have a special deal with the medical providers, but United's bosses/kids don't want to pay for it, so they still have to pay more.

Someday this whole mess is going to come to a head. It will probably happen when someone else gets elected President of the HOA. United is worried that China will run and not just to make sure he has an opponent, but for keeps. Then he can up the interest rates, so Mr. United States had better get his stuff together and get his bosses/kids in line with the new situation.

It will take something drastic, more than just taking away the wifi.

Poor Mr. United States...

Well duh. But the real situation is much worse...